Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Redbull gives you what?

Redbull is supposed to give you wings… not give you a free pass to park like a complete ass clown. Not only did you ruin two perfectly good parking spaces with your “silly prank”, but one of them is clearly marked for compact vehicles. You know, the type that actually get good gas mileage, take up less space, and create less pollution then that roughed-up shitcan your company makes you drive. I guess I would throw it in park anywhere I felt like it too if my day was spent delivering poison-on-a-can up and down N Interstate Ave. Be Better Next Time... asshole.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

double you tee ef

I can understand a slight overage of the line and getting out of you car and thinking "damn, but I'll just be a minute". It's when you leave your car and walk five paces and still haven't reached the outer lines of the parking spot that people generally take offense to. Maybe a second look at those NewYears resolutions are in order, and adding "stop being a total shithead to everyone around me" could edge its way in there somewhere. Just a thought.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Surrounded by idiots

Guess it's a good thing those trees and planter boxes were there, else you may have ended up with ALL four wheels on the sidewalk. "Screw the pedestrians, ma'mas got some shoppin' ta do!" She gruffed, fresh off the drive over from Beaverton, Starbucks peppermint mocha clasped tight in her hot little hand. Watch out lady... your 'suburb' is showing.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Remember when sidewalks were for people

I am sure you have a very good reason for parking your Ferrari across the entire sidewalk - trying to avoid getting dings in that $1mil dollar ride is where I'd put my money. You are probably one of those people who always votes against budget increases to update sidewalks and public spaces... the ones that help wheelchair-bound and handicapped individuals. Do you spend your daylight hours pushing down children and little old ladies too?

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thanks (for not) giving

... a shit where the hell you parked in your last minute mad dash for more cranberry sauce. And here I thought it was the season of compassion and brotherly love.

In this time of giving, I have made a greeting card I would like to gift to you. On the front it reads: Hey asshole, on the inside: You're an asshole, and on the back: Stop being such a fu#%ing asshole, asshole.

Best wishes!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

POS truck = POS parking job

Expired tags, thick and earth unfriendly hazy blue exhaust, subtle but effective oil leek. We read you loud and clear there Ace. I'd say it was already quite apparent that you have little to no regard for your fellow man and that textbook parking job was just the cherry-on-top of how you always 'stick it to the man'. How about acting like a hu-man and shoehorn that piece of shit into just one oversized space next time... and leave a little room for the rest of us.

Note: I casually slipped a "Parking Card' onto this guys truck while he was busy unloading pop-cans out the back. Passive-aggressive to the max!